Why Women Have a Hard Time Pushing Through their Masculine Shield of Protection
I don’t even know where to begin. It’s a challenging thing to be a woman in today’s world.
We long to be feminine, to be contained by a man, who can protect us and keep us safe. But where are the masculine men who can do that? This is not in any way to place blame on men; it is a call out to men to be the masculine force they are meant to be, and for women to allow themselves to lay down the armor, their sword and shield, to be their feminine self, their vulnerability in full bloom. By doing so, we come to attract one another instead of repulsing each other.
Creating a Supportive Environment for Masculinity
It is my core belief that men deeply desire to embrace their masculinity. However, they often feel that women do not create a supportive environment for this expression. This lack of support can stem from a mutual misunderstanding of needs and expressions within gender dynamics. Equally, women feel they cannot be safe and expressive in their femininity in the presence of a man. This disconnect leads to individuals being out of their element, which directly impacts their ability to thrive. When people cannot be their true selves, it results in stress, various disorders, autoimmune illnesses, and even contributes to a higher divorce rate. Thriving in relationships requires a supportive environment where each individual's primary energy, whether masculine or feminine, is acknowledged and nurtured. Also, wouldn't it be more fulfilling to engage with others who are genuine and fully present in their identity? Embracing the full spectrum of one's personality, whether it aligns with traditional gender roles or defies them, is crucial for personal development and the cultivation of meaningful connections.
Goodness, it seems completely impossible to do something about, doesn’t it?
Why Don’t I Feel Good Enough?
More and more people live as singles,which also means that we are living in societies that consist of more single parents than parents living together with their children in nuclear families. The women as a single parent have to be the provider, the caretaker, the nurturer, the house cleaning lady, the “soccer mom”, as in cap driver, baker, chef, totally in a constant state and expression of mental, emotional and physical excess, and of course to have ambitions for herself, have a career that demands her full attention 40 or more hours a week. She is running on a bare minimum of fuel or on none at all, meaning a complete overdrive, on fumes alone. She is in pain. The majority of women, primarily in the West, are suffering. Statistics show that 8 out of 10 women feel that they are not good enough or are inadequate - DAILY. As in EVERY DAY, people!
It can no longer be something we shy away from doing something about. We need to make what may seem impossible possible – We deserve to feel good enough and adequate on all levels. What she needs to understand and allow as the truth in her is that she doesn't have to do anything to be deserving of a life in which she thrives. Nobody other than her can make this decision. She has to be the one deciding that this is the new foundation in her life from which she expresses herself.
Fundamentally, if she doesn’t feel deserving, she is also expressing a lack of being lovable.
To quote my man on this:
“The problem here is that she has made love a conditioned concept through which she has to do something to be accepted and thus loveable. The female is the creator of the unconditional space, which will cause the masculine male to create the conditions for her to reach her dreams and desires.” - Michael Walker
Michael points out that the issue at hand is the conditional approach to love many women adopt—believing they must earn acceptance and love through actions. However, true empowerment lies in women realizing their role as creators of a space where unconditional love flourishes, thereby inviting men to support their journey towards achieving dreams and desires. This interplay between accepting one's inherent worth and fostering unconditional love is essential for personal growth and the cultivation of healthy, supportive relationships.
Is Your Picker Broken?
From my personal observations and professional experience working with women over the last eight years, I've developed a theory regarding the profound impact of secure, supportive relationships on women's mental and emotional well-being. In a committed relationship where a woman feels truly safe, protected, and adequately provided for, there's a noticeable shift in her overall stress levels and sense of responsibility.
She is cared for in a manner that places her in a purely receptive state, fully entrusting him with the leadership role in managing the home and family. This arrangement allows her the freedom to relax without the constant pressure to perform. His assumption of these responsibilities supports her mentally, emotionally, and physically, enhancing her sense of well-being across all aspects of life. For such a dynamic to be feasible, it's essential for the woman to possess a keen sense of judgment in choosing a partner. It's crucial for her to possess a healthy 'picker.'
However, this nurturing and supportive dynamic starkly contrasts with the experiences of women who find themselves without a partner or in disharmonious relationships. When the element of safety and security is missing, the narrative shifts significantly. These women, faced with the absence of external support, are compelled to step into a role of self-sufficiency.
In such cases, when a man does not offer a sense of safety and security, a woman often seeks to fulfill her own needs for protection and security. Typically, this involves adopting a more masculine demeanor, characterized by qualities such as assertiveness, strength, and independence, effectively shielding herself with a layer of resilience and self-reliance. This "warrior energy" encompasses aggression, toughness, assertiveness, bravery, responsibility, initiative, drive, ambition, action, independence, leadership, dominance, and control.
What Do You Really Want?
In attempting to maintain this masculine stance, she becomes disconnected from her true self and loses sight of her identity. Consequently, she may struggle to respond to even basic inquiries like "what do you really want?" because she genuinely doesn't know.
Her uncertainty stems from being disconnected from her inner self, whether she's aware of it or not. Her instincts caution her against making significant choices without feeling centered and secure within herself. Moreover, the prospect of openly acknowledging her desires triggers a fear of vulnerability, fear of unfulfilled needs or the possibility of her desires being used against her.
If she lacks the support and security of masculine energy, her need for safety becomes essential. Men, whether they realize it or not, have an intrinsic desire to be needed for their protective qualities. They seek purpose through their natural instincts of strength and leadership. By sharing her femininity, expressed through softness, vulnerability, and openness, she fulfills this need, creating a reciprocal exchange of support and care. This dynamic of giving and receiving between the feminine and masculine is essential for mutual understanding and connection.
When a woman is disconnected from her essence, her femininity, she invariably struggles with feelings of inadequacy. If her core sense of self doesn't feel right, it's nearly impossible for her to feel sufficient or fulfilled in any aspect of her life. How can she feel positive about anything when she's fundamentally unsettled within herself?
Inviting the Masculine
The pivotal question then becomes: how can a woman foster an environment where she thrives by inviting masculine energy to support her growth?
Indeed, a woman has the power to draw out the masculine essence in a man. However, this process necessitates that she fully embraces her femininity, her deepest vulnerability. Ladies, it will take all the courage you can muster. By embodying your femininity, you can subtly guide a man towards his masculine strengths, demonstrating your needs without directly voicing them. This subtle invitation requires a delicate balance, encouraging his protective and supportive nature without overtly dictating his actions.
Heart to Head Conversations
Attempting direct confrontation or logical debates with a man often proves unproductive for a woman; she thrives on emotional connection rather than confrontational dialogue. The essence of their interaction should be 'heart to head,' where she communicates through expressing her emotions rather than direct demands. Instead of stating, "When you do this, it makes me feel X," which sets up a confrontational dynamic, a more effective approach is to share vulnerabilities softly, such as saying, "It would mean the world to me if you could do X," thereby appealing to his protective instincts and desires to fulfill her needs. The most potent form of communication, however, lies in asking questions that encourage him to take the initiative. For instance, asking, "May I?" subtly invites him to assume a leadership role, effectively nurturing his masculine essence through a gentle and inviting dialogue.
Posing this question naturally ignites his inclination to lead. Direct commands can diminish his sense of empowerment, potentially leading to feelings of emasculation or provoking aggression - a situation neither of you desires. Instead, by framing your needs as inquiries, you allow him to step into the role of decision-maker. This subtle approach not only preserves his authority but also gently guides him into embracing his masculinity.
If you would like to read more about this, I recommend you read my article “Do You Crave a Masculine Man?”
Lean Into Your Femininity
Navigating through the complexities of embracing one's femininity often feels like an uphill battle, especially when confronted with the need to dismantle the masculine facade society frequently demands. It requires immense courage to shed this armor and embrace vulnerability, a necessary step for those seeking to attract a partner who embodies masculine strength and protection. Yet, true femininity extends beyond mere appearance or behavior; it's a state of being that cannot fully flourish in isolation from its masculine counterpart. Without the presence of a supportive, safe masculine energy, a woman might find herself only partially able to tap into the vast spectrum of her femininity.
Imagine femininity as water; fluid, adaptable, and resilient. Its strength lies in its ability to flow around obstacles, reshape landscapes, and nourish life. By channeling this essence, tapping into intuitive wisdom, and embracing creativity, a woman can navigate life's challenges with grace and flexibility. This approach forms the core of my work at FeminaFlourish. My mission is to empower women to explore and express their femininity fully, fostering a balance that not only enhances personal well-being but also cultivates deeper, more meaningful relationships.
To those ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and transformation, I extend an invitation to join me. Together, we can explore the depths of your femininity, unlocking the potential for growth, connection, and harmony in every aspect of your life. The path to embracing your true self is both challenging and rewarding, but you don't have to walk it alone. Let's collaborate to create a life that resonates with your deepest truths, where your femininity flourishes in its full glory, attracting the masculine energy that complements and celebrates your essence.
For guidance, support, and a partnership in this transformative journey, reach out to me at elizabeth@feminaflourish.net. Your journey towards embracing your full feminine potential awaits.
By Elizabeth Lund
